her beautiful angel  (called to love)

3 november 1998 *** 11:27pm

.

ever since i was five

i’ve been always agonised

by questions i could never answer

spaces i could never fill

.

ever since i was able

i’ve been speaking up at table

with questions they would never answer

spaces they would never fill

.

at thirty-five

i’m still not gone

left nothing true to g~d or men

.

i’m thirty-five

i ‘ m not yet done

wanna be a beautiful angel again

.

ever since i could read

ever since i could write

ever since i believed

i have had some appetite

.

for

questions they could never answer

spaces they could never fill

.

ever since i saw your face

ever since i saw your eyes

ever since i felt your grace

i’ve begun to realise

.

there are

questions only you could answer

spaces only you could fill

.

ever since i was eight

i’ve been frequently irate

by questions they would never answer 

spaces they would never fill

.

ever since i can recall

i’ve been standing up a bit too tall

with answers they could never question

spaces they would never fill

.

at thirty-five

i’m still not wed

but i have loved my children

.

i’m still alive

and not yet dead

wanna be a beautiful angel again

.

ever since she came my way

ever since i could write

ever since she said, “i’m gay!”

i have had some appetite

.

for

questions only she can answer

spaces only she could fill

.

ever since she saw my face

ever since she saw my eyes

ever since she felt my grace

she’s begun to realise

.

there are some

answers only i can give her

spaces only i can fill

.

questions she will never answer

spaces she will never fill

.

***** (from a rumination on the eve of a proposal, in the key of G!)