given

19 may 1998 *** 12:53 am

.

freely,

on the sly from herself,

given

.

freely,

in spite of herself,

given

.

freely,

no thought for herself,

given

.

i want to stand naked

under water with her,

.

watch her wash herself,

touch herself,

all over.

.

my hands promised,

beyond tempting,

to no idle devil;

.

i cannot touch her,

cannot touch myself,

at all.

.

all night,

in a relaxed frenzy

of desire;

.

no relief imminent

as i have her over,

and over, again.

.

why no end to this?

i can feel me inside her.

.

soft moans,

a hard grind,

shouldn’t it be over?

.

still –

i’ve been coming, 

since the minute 

we walked through,

.

hands holding,

.

the door to a monk’s cell,

left open.

.

*** this poem was finished at 3:27 am, later that same morning.